I would not take back any of the celebrations and I hope that as Sienna gets older, she will be able to manage these events, and lack of structure, a little better. We reviewed every evening what we would be doing the next day, who we would be seeing, whether or not we'd be having a car ride, how we could greet people, who we could play with, and what to say if someone gave us a gift. And she did well at the events. That's my girl! However, in holding it together at these excursions, she expresses her distaste with the lack of structure when we get home. I giggle when I write that. I don't know why. I'm so happy that she can cope with the events as they are happening. It makes parenting her in public much easier than it could be. Maybe I laugh because home is her home. Home is where she is comfortable. It's where she can express her feelings in whatever way she is able. It is so difficult to teach Sienna how to express her feelings in words. She has recently used the phrase, "But I'm scared!" and I ask her what she is scared of and she says, "Spiders!". Now, I know that is totally untrue. She loves reptiles, spiders and the like. And the spider comment is totally out of context for whatever situation in which she is feeling something uncomfortable. The difficulty is figuring out what it is that she is trying to express. Sienna has struggled, over these two weeks, with expressing her feelings. There have been more frequent and intense meltdowns and she has expressed more need to have specific cups to drink from, specific food to eat, and specific pajamas to sleep in. She has outright refused to go to the bathroom and/or follow the bathroom routine (ie. washing hands) and we've had a hard time just getting her dressed. She has stuck out her tongue, she is slapping our butts hard (which may seem somewhat funny but I'm concerned she will take these things back to school with her), and she has lashed out at her brother a lot (sometimes warranted i'm sure...).
We did a great job of having her bed time routine stay the same as usual (I'm proud of us for that!). But, we could have done a better job at providing some structure during the "home time". That would have likely helped. Structured time, however, means one-on-one adult time. It could include one movie each day or blocks of 20 minutes on our new iPad (!yay!). But it can't be all encompassing movies and iPad all day long. We learned that transitioning from the iPad on to something else is a major meltdown regardless of a visual and auditory timer, with oral reminders of time left from me, and discussion prior to turning on the iPad about what happens and what doesn't happen when the timer sounds. Sienna needs to exercise her body and her brain. Anyone knows over Christmas break how much cleanup and preparation there is to do . This makes for a challenge with finding the individual time for her as well as our son.
We had a lovely Christmas Break - even though we all fought colds and flu. It was great to see both children excited on Christmas morning and beginning to feel the magic of Santa and his reindeer (Rudolph is Sienna's favourite). They walked through the house singing Christmas carols and were happy and joyful at times. As the break drew longer, some significant blood-curdling screaming occurred, more babbling and rhyming with our words, less "real" conversation, and more dependence on mommy for simple things. We learned though. We learned a little bit about how we could try to structure her days a little better next time. She really took to a mini visual schedule allowing her to pick activities in order. I would let her do it and then would move some things around (with her permission) so that we could fit lunch and a potential break in there for me (!!). This is one reason that we ask family and friends to give us some notice for visits. We had visitors call and come over 15 minutes later one day. Well, that really messed up her schedule. If she does not get to do those things in order, life becomes challenging. She barely spoke and didn't interact with the visitors at all. After they left, her schedule was out of order and we didn't have time to fit all the activities in before bath. If we had had notice that morning, it would have been more likely for her to interact, because I would have had a chance to prepare her and she would have had a chance to allow it to sink in and prepare herself. And we would have been able to lessen the activities that she was going to do so she could follow along in order.I was able to put Sienna into a sport for three 1/2 days last week. It was good. A nice break for me and some structured activity for her. She was able to go with a friend and enjoys watching and following along. I would love to put her in full days but don't feel the staff is adequately able to support her that long. They're just not trained, and quite honestly, don't get paid enough to provide the interventions my daughter needs. They agreed, ahead of time, that they would be able to support the toileting and assured me that if I gave some simple information about strengths and needs, that would be welcome. And we discussed which instructor would best suit my daughter's needs. I didn't get the feeling, however, that this was the case when I gave the instructor a 1/2 page very brief outline of Sienna's strengths, needs, some basic information, and our goals for camp: fun and social interaction. The instructor looked disgusted with my effort to support her. When I asked if she had any questions, she said, "That pretty much covers it all," with a scowl, tone, and... almost a roll of the eyes. I was slightly pissed and responded as nicely as possible, "No. That doesn't really cover it all. But it's a good place to start." As long as they are nice to her and try to support the social interactions with other children, I'm okay with that. But my daughter learns social interaction through significant repetition with one-on-one adult support or by watching what people are modelling around her. She is not able to identify what is and isn't appropriate social behaviour. Hence, the butt-slapping, although I have to make it clear that this is not something she sees in our house... I know what you're thinking! LOL. I had to, and will have to, weigh the pros and cons and hope above hope that people are modelling appropriate behaviour when I'm not around. In this day and age, I have worries. What some children, teens, and adults believe is funny social behaviour, is totally unacceptable in many situations - something my daughter is not able to distinguish - and I'm not sure she will ever figure it all out. She takes things literally and has a hard time understanding people who are joking; something I should make a note to blog about later.
Well, the unstructured break is over. The thoughts on my mind now are... What are we going to do over March Break? And more importantly, what the heck am I going to do over the summer? I feel somewhat disappointed with the sport camp experience. I'm not sure that's something I would feel comfortable putting her back into. I have to think about it. And maybe by July, if her toileting issues are more resolved, I could do it. The "Catch 22" is that it is hard for me to have a break when I am worried about how she is coping (she had soiled underwear 2 of the 3 days at camp when I picked her up) and what she is learning through osmosis. I would really love to have her involved in something with support from someone other than me. Maybe that sounds selfish. But I need a break here and there... and I have a son who, to be honest, should be experiencing more activities than he is. There are always choices and I am constantly weighing them... I wish someone would just tell me what the best choice is every time so I can do it!
I kept thinking of this quote over the break...
There are good days and there are bad days and this is one of them.
~ Lawrence Welk
Isn't that the guy that my grandparents stopped everything for to watch on TV once a week? Maybe they knew something I didn't... Well, he's right. There is always hope as long as we are together. On the good days and bad days alike, I am grateful to have my daughter in my life.
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