I shed a few tears today...

The last day of school... An emotional day. Nothing to do with the usual mother sighing... "Ahhhh. Another year gone by. We're does time go? I can't believe my baby is in grade blablabla..." Nope. 

My first tears were shed after I talked to Sienna's fantastic teacher - who's been with us for two years taking care of my daughter like she was her own. She gets it. She has experienced some similar challenges with her son so she has not only helped Sienna but also me personally with learning how to accept some of those challenges. We discussed how far Sienna has come and she was so excited to tell me about Sienna's reading level which, according to her, is way above where she should be. It's so heartwarming to hear a teacher excited about that. Don't get me wrong. I am impressed with Sienna's reading. And this is attributed to the teacher's effort 100%. Sienna began reluctantly. But we have spent so much of our time focused on other things that academics are kind of at the bottom of the list. I think many people who know me would be surprised to hear that. Only because I was always such a good student and focused on school achievement myself. But our focus with Sienna in particular is to do all the things we can to keep her from experiencing anxiety or being teased or bullied. This frame of mind is also something I feel for my son. I really don't care what kind of grades he gets. I care that he is happy and kind to others. So for those people who get upset about their child's grades, I would encourage them to ask themselves if their child is happy. That's it. That's the most important thing. Anyhow, off topic I go again... I shed some tears because if it weren't for that teacher, our daughter would not be where she is in SO many ways and she would not be excited to go to school every day. I can't thank her enough. And there I go again tearing up about it.

My second tears were shed when Sienna got off the bus today. The last day of school. The last day of senior kindergarten. One of her friends, and our neighbour, was having a little graduation party for a few boys. It was so sweet and thoughtful, and of course, I thought of how I should have done something too. But aside from that I wondered if other kids were doing that and was Sienna not invited. And I reflected on how easy it is for parents to send their kids to a friend's house off the bus and not worry about them. I would have to think about how she would handle being out of routine and how will she handle the social aspects of a gathering and who will take her to the washroom and how will she verbalize her feelings and needs. I wonder if other parents realize how easy that is for them. Birthday parties. Play dates. Outings. Movies. Car rides. Kindergarten graduation celebrations. Tears.

And finally, I opened up Sienna's backpack and found a lovely letter from Sienna's ECE teacher thanking us for the end-of-school-year gift we gave her. She put forth such effort to describe how great she thinks Sienna is, how far she has come, and how bright her future is. She thanked us for working so hard every day for her and being advocates for Sienna. She wrote about what she has taken away from her experience teaching Sienna every day for two years. That is what struck me the most. Sometimes parents of children with special needs need to hear those things. We need people to remind us how hard we are working and that we are doing a good job. Hearing it inspires me and gives me just a little boost of energy to get through another few days... The letter was heartfelt. It was sincere. And it made me cry. 

So now we are done with kindergarten and on to the summer holidays. I'm unsure how I feel... other than the tears today. Likely deep down I am worried about how to structure summer holidays to meet Sienna's needs but to also catch a break for myself here and there. I am likely stressing about our lack of babysitters and support people. It's very possible that I am pondering how the toileting will go now that I'm on my own and don't have the structure of the school day and other people to support me. I am wondering how I will sustain the motivation and development of Sienna's school triumphs over the two months of the summer. How will the transition go to a new classroom, new teacher, and new curriculum in September? With her brother going to the school, will she be more stressed? Will this cause new issues? Or will I be able to pick up more about her days because he will tell all?

Whew! It's hard to be a parent of a child with special needs. She is everything to me.