Fairy-Wand-A-Waving

Well, October is over and we're on to November already. Time flies when you're having fun... or when you keep going up and down and up and down!

Awesome artistic talent
right? No help from me.

October has had some glitches. Thanksgiving was a bit disastrous. We packed in too much. Too many commitments with hoards of people and long car rides. Stupid. Stupid me. How many times do I have to publish this to a blog to learn my lesson? Next time... Not happening! It causes Sienna too much stress and it takes too long for her to get back on track afterward. Hallowe'en, on the other hand, was great. She was awesome, loved every minute, and even thanked me the next day for taking her trick-or-treating. Heart. Melted.

Unfortunately, the toileting issues are back again in full force. Or should I just admit that they "continue"? We are averaging 3 accidents per day. We had a few days where there were none, but those were also the days when there were no BMs at all. This toileting thing has completely stumped me! With the training I've had and experience with students, I feel like I have a good handle on the quirks and expectations Sienna has in regard to transitions and noises and challenges and what has led to the meltdown... but I can not figure out the toileting! We've been on a waitlist for ABA services from Kerry's Place Autism Services for over a year now. ABA stands for Applied Behavioural Analysis. So what they do is analyze a behaviour and help us to figure out how to change it. They come into our home and help us out and can access school staff as well if they are willing. Well, I've bugged and bugged this month. Sienna is five and a half. She will be heading to grade one next fall and I'm concerned for her that she will be teased if we don't get this under control. And I also know how long it takes for Sienna to master a skill. I remember last year I had visuals up with pictures of her putting each item of clothing on to get ready for school. I left them up for about 6 months and then after all the hard work of helping and eventually not having to be in the room, I took them down. Well, wouldn'tcha know it, but she completely stopped dressing herself within a week! A week! There was nothing I could do to get her to dress herself. Lo and behold, the pictures went back up and we started all over again. They have not come down since. And still, there are many days that she insists that I am in the room while she gets dressed.

Toileting, on the other hand, is more of a sensory issue. There are far more invisible steps that she will have to learn. She has to first, recognize when she needs to go. Second, stop whatever it is that she is doing and actually walk to the bathroom. That's hard... EVERYTHING is more fun than going to the bathroom. And part of what makes Sienna establish and master a skill is using motivators. Problem is, she has to take the initiative to leave whatever she is doing. Although I am fairly psychic (LOL), I cannot feel her bowels within my body. I cannot say, "It's time," and stop the activity and encourage/motivate her to walk to the bathroom. Having said all that, after bugging and bugging, I finally have an ABA consultant coming to our house next week to help us figure out how to do things differently. You can't imagine how excited I am to talk about poop with her!!

Another challenge I have is that although I have asked the school specifically to give Sienna a cookie every time she has a BM on the toilet (regardless of accidents), they don't. I have a home communication sheet with bathroom times (successes and accidents) and some other information that we share between us and staff. And unfortunately, I have received a note here and there saying, "Gave her one cookie today, only when she asked". Well... that's not what I said!! Give her a cookie EVERY TIME she goes! So, that is a stumbling block. Because a child on the spectrum is not likely to ASK for anything. But a child on the spectrum WILL LEARN by consistent rewards. At home, our family gives her a cookie EVERY TIME she goes on the toilet, no matter what! And, yes, a cookie is the reward. Don't judge. I've tried everything. Cookies work.

And we've learned that sensory breaks (like quiet time, spinning, rocking, jumping, deep pressure, large muscle use, textures, etc.) contribute positively to Sienna's ability to control her atypical behaviours (like jaw-sliding, hand-flapping, noise-making, grunting) and to her body awareness. To me, body awareness is the key to figuring out when to head to the bathroom. Last year we established that Sienna would have three scheduled ten-minute sensory breaks per day in addition to the various sensory activities a typical JK/SK class does. There are SO many things that I need to communicate to the staff, that I just have to trust that they remember and consistently follow what we agreed upon. So, I guess it's time to review all these things with the school staff again. This time, just for a reminder as to how a bathroom break should go, what words to use, what prompts to use, and what reward to give. It's exhausting. Sometimes I think these things have changed because people think it is in Sienna's best interest to develop the skill more quickly, and therefore eliminating rewards will be the first step. Understandable if you have not lived with her for the last five years so you don't understand the effort we have put into this for almost 4 years now and/or what it takes for her to learn a skill like toileting.


So, I'm gonna go in with my fairy-wand-a-waving in the hopes that people will magically remember what I have to say. And this time, the ABA consultant will be there to help me out so it's not just crazy-parent-again-Julie.