I went to a free workshop today put on by Kerry's Place Autism Services. It was all about how to assist individuals on the Autism Spectrum to Understand Emotions. What we know about emotions is that there are 7 universally recognized: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise, and contempt. What we know is that most neurotypical people recognize these emotions in facial expressions. What we know is that instinctual and cognitive emotions are controlled in the brain (in simplest terms). What we know about autism is that the signals from the parts of the brain that modulate emotions are not getting to the prefrontal lobe, which manages emotional impulses. In other words, autism is a neurological disorder. It is not going away, nor can it be controlled. Emotions may be "managed" if strategies to manage emotions can be repeated time and time again. This is why social coaching at Sienna's age is SO IMPORTANT at every chance we get.
People with autism have emotions. They are expressed and felt in different ways than you or I. Sienna may hug sometimes and mostly, it is probably not to express love. It is more likely that she is expressing a need for sensory stimulation. Even though she rarely smiles, this does not mean she isn't happy. She just doesn't use facial expressions to express her emotions (like you or I). And she has a difficult time reading people's facial expressions and matching them with an emotion. This is something that we are constantly working on... "What do you think your brother is feeling right now?" (as he is laying on the floor crying and kicking his legs LOL) "Why do you think he feels that way?" (likely because you stole his toy)
I remember when Sienna was a baby and she would cry and cry and cry. My doctor told me it was colic. I knew it wasn't. Something was different. Jamie would stay up with her and rock her until 11pm while I would pop in the ear plugs and try to get some sleep to prepare for the next all-nighter. She would cry until I got up at 11pm for the night shift and then barely slept all night long. I remember rocking her in the chair each night and after a long time, she would settle down. I would rock her until her eyes were closed for at least a half an hour. Then, the second I would get up out of the rocking chair, her eyes would pop open and she would start crying again. I also remember one specific night where she just would not stop crying and Jamie's mom was over at our house. It must have been 3am and I just couldn't take it anymore. I came out of the bedroom myself, crying with exhaustion and Jamie's mom heard us and offered to take her. I felt so defeated. I always thought that a baby was supposed to stop crying when her mother picked her up and held her. It was heartbreaking... for a long time. Now, I get it. She didn't (and doesn't) express love and comfort in the same way as a "neurotypical" child.
A common myth of children on the spectrum too is that these kids don't feel compassion. Not true. They just don't express their compassion in the same way as other people might. For example, I am beginning to learn that my daughter feels my emotions. If I am stressed, it causes her stress. If I am upset, she internalizes that. Some of these kids feel emotions so intensely that they mistake other people's emotions for their own. Kids on the spectrum are more prone to anxiety, depression, and outbursts of anger (which we often see in the classroom). We have to remember to ask ourselves first - WHY is she feeling this way? and second - HOW can we coach her into understanding her emotions so we can have strategies to support her?
Children on the spectrum take things literally - until we consistently teach them how to interpret figures of speech. For example, if you say, I've got butterflies in my stomach, my daughter would be spending the next 5 minutes trying to figure out how that is possible. I imagine her thinking to herself, "well, how did they get in there? did they fly in there through the belly button? did that person swallow them? are they alive?" ... and the list of thoughts and interpretations of that one figure of speech goes on. Solution??: When a figure of speech is used, explain to the child what emotions or feelings are associated with it or what it ACTUALLY means and what it ACTUALLY does not mean :).
I could go on and on about teaching emotional intelligence. We just automatically do it in our home because we know we have to - in order to avoid and reduce meltdowns. Reading facial expressions is the harder one to teach as it requires actually stopping and freezing the face. There are a number of great children's books and i-phone apps to help us out... and many incidental teaching moments that occur on a daily basis which we try to take advantage of!
1 comment:
WOW, Julie - excellent post! While my daughter isn't on the spectrum, she does have Sensory Processing Disorder, as you know. I could relate to a lot of what you're saying. One thing I've noticed more and more about my daughter, is just what you said, that she feels *my* emotions. If I'm having a bad day, we are both bound to have a bad day. She is always the neediest when I'm absolutely exhausted. It's like she's exhausted and stressed too, so she can't manage her own feelings and I'm not at my optimal level to help her manage. She also feels others emotions very intensely and it's not uncommon for her to be crying with sincere sadness (not an "I can't cope" meltdown) and be unable to explain why she is crying.
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